Through the ages.

Kum engzat nge a nih ka hre thei tawh lo-

Ni khat lek pawh i hmangaih tel lova i nun khawhar zia kha ngaihtuah la,  a nih loh  pawhin hmangaihtu che nei lova i inhriat vanga i nun a ruakzia kha han ngaihtuah la..  Ni za tam tak,  thla tam tak,  kum tam tak, hmangaihtu dik ngaihtuah lova,  Pathian hmangaihna ka uiresan khan ka nun a hrehawm em em a ni tih min hriatpui thei ang. Sual ata tal chhuah tumna chang pawh hre lovin sual chuan chu khur thuk chu ka awmna hmun tur emaw min tih tir a.. Tal chhuaha, tanpuina ban pawh vuan ngam lovin min awm tir a ni.  Nimahsela,  vawiin hian chu kawl rit ata chu chhuah ka ni tih ka in hria e.. 

A malsawmna ka dawn zara ka lo chapopui ve,  ka nihna emaw ka tih te'ngte kha Ani min theihngilh tirtu a nih avangin ka tan chuan a hnawk em em a ni. Ka lo thanlenpui sual tam tak min hriatchhuah tir a; A hnena tawngtaia, ngaihdam dil tul ni a ka hriat loh tam tak hi min hmuhtir a, ka tenawmzia ka hriat rualin A hmangaihna daltu atan an tlin lohzia min la hrilh cheu a ni. 

Lalpa, ka va han lawm em. 

Chhungkaw neinung tak atangin chhuak lo mah ila,

 Nangmah hretu chhungkua min pe a. 

Thiantha chu ngah lo mah ila, 

thian nih hlutna min hriattir thintu min pe a. 

Bel chhia leh ruak ngawt ka nih lai pawhin 

I hmangaihna in min kalsan lova, 

Zawn che tulna ka hriat loh laiin, 

Nangmah zawkin min rawn tâwk leh a. 

Lawmthu sawi nachang ka hriat loh khawp a 

tlaia min siamna thin thil tam tak avangin ka lawm bawk a ni. 

Vantirhkoh min vengtu min pe, 

i mit naute ang maiin dimdawi takin min enkawl bawk a. 

Lawmna tur ka va han ngah em, 

 hnaih zel thei tur che in min pui ang che. 

Lalpa, ka lawm e. 

Neih ve loh ngai a ka tah a tam awm mang nge!

Nang chuan, i saisen tet a ta nupui fanau i neih thlengin chun leh zua-te thlazar hnuaiah hlim ni leh lungngaih ni i chhiar thin. Kal i la thiam hma hauhvin an kai che a,  "Kal chhet chhet" tiin an zirtir che a, an lak atanga i kal bo chang pawhin an um zui thin che. I hlim leh i nui ri te an ngaihthlakin an lung a awi a, i tap leh i rum ri an hriatin an na thin.  I mamawh an hriat sak che a, i itzawng leh i duhzawngte lam an hriat sak che, i ei chak zawng leh i rawng ngainat zawng te, i thian kawm thin te leh i thin ti na tute pawh. 

Kei hi min han en ta che chun chawi lohin, zuapa i tel lovin, seilianin hei hma lam ka ban. Tu ban in nge min chelh a, kal min zirtir a, min umzui thin ka hre lo,  ka hlim a ka kianga nui a, Lungngaih min hriatpuitu an awm ka hre lo. Ka tawn ve loh ngai hian ka tap thin a,  ka la tem ve loh tem ve chakin ka lo rum thin,  "chunnu leh zuapa" tia koh eih tur nei ve lo hian,  "zing khat tal chu ka kiangah han awm ve thei ula" tiin duhthu ka han sam ve thin nang in; "I tawn ve loh tuarin ka tap a, ka tawn ve loh ngai hian a ni ka lo rum ni." tiin ka in chhang leh mai 

From Strangers to Strangers.

From Strangers we part as Strangers. 
Strangers with regrets and strangers with memories;
Strangers with empty hands and strangers with heavy hearts;
Strangers who don't fight for the things they love and strangers who chose to stay as strangers.

Inclined to saying Goodbye.

It had only been a few minutes and now it feels like a long eternity of silence.

Souls are connected by a simple "Hello" and easily divided by a "Goodbye"

"What have I done to myself?"

"Why Was I so thoughtless?"

Easily giving myself in for things that could break me, things that are yet so distant but yet so near,things that are out of reach but could harm me so deep, a soul that touched me but left me. 

Within a few days of not caring about what the future holds, yet again i am left with no choice but to breathe in the hurt. This fragile heart in search of happiness is only inclined to an endless loop of sorrow. 

But the blame is on me, i fall in love so easily but slowly fall out of love. 

A note to self.

Mamawhna che ka neih hmain ka tan i awm a;
Mamawhna che ka neih laiin ka tan i awm bawk a, 
I tel lova awm ka ngam loh veleh min kalsan leh si. 
I tel lovin ka lo nui a, ka lo tap tawh. 
Hmangaihte sunin, hmangaihten min lo phatsan tawh; 
Dam reng chung hian ka thahrui zawng zawng hian min lo kiamsan tawh a, 
Thi si lo hian nunna reng reng nei lovin ka lo nung tawh; 
Hahdamna zawng reng rengin phurrit ka in siam a, 
Hlimna ka hmuh veleh, tahin a zui bawk thin. 
Chuti chung chuan, tun thleng hian hlau miah lovin, ka nat tawh zat dawn lovin, huaisen takin ka la pen tang tang thin. 

I found you and then I loose you.

my trusted advisors.

So, you told me that there is nothing left for me and I am slowly coming to figure it out.

All the things you said to me about how there is no memory of us saying that that we had not created any of such and mocked at the late night calls that made me fall in love,  saying that it was lame and just a fling.

Can't you see that those meant more to me than it did to you?

 I am a one stupid girl who enjoys late night calls, a stupid girl who chose to hurt her own feelings for a guy who mocks at her honesty, a stupid girl who doesn't know how to stop loving, a stupid girl  who is unloved. 

I never knew that I would found you so easily and loose you so easily because keeping you was not so easy. 
I found you and then I loose you. 

Because it is imploding inside me.

With every bit of my strength trying to persuade him but at the same time trying to let go of my desire of him; I am losing my patience and i am losing control.

Of all the people living within this perimeter and beyond, my heart is attached to his while his is bound with the intention to deny me of my affections for him. 

I wish I could tell him about all the things that happened inside my body today. I was feeling the pain inside the bones of my chest, breathing was hard and living inside my body was agonizing. 

I know that it is wrong to have 
this feeling and i know that it is harder for you than it is for me but i can't help but express all of the feelings that are colliding because of your presence.

Sorry, but i don't want to hold it in
Because it is imploding inside me. 

In kalsan lo zawk mai ang aw!

Tunah hian ka pi ka bulah a muhil a,  lemchan hmuhnawm deuh pakhat hi ka en a, ka ngaihtuahna a ti thui hle...
Ka pi ka han en a,  min kalsan dawn a ni tih ka hria,  hun engzat pawh lo la nei se a tam tawk dawn lo.. Tiang bawk chuan ka hmangaih em em te chan atan ka han ngaihtuah a,  tu pawh hian tu pawh hi kan la in kalsan dawn chu a ni si a...  A va han khawharthlak dawn tak em!

Ka hmangaih ka chhungte, ka thiante leh mi pakhat hmangaihna danglam bik a min hmangaihtu hi ka han ngaihtuah a, kalsan ta ila an nunah ka lo zar buai nasat thin em em te an nih avangin a ruak ve huai tur hian ka hriaa,  ka Khawngaih ve lehchhawng khawp mai...  A chhan chu tu emaw ber hian min kalsan se ka tuar tur zia leh ka lunglen tur sia hi ka ngaihtuah thui ngam lo a ni.

Ka ngaih em em lh ka hmangaih riauva  ka tih khi 😂 a muhil hma lutuk a zanin chu,  dar 8ah pawh khan kan in kaitho kan in kaitho tawh a,  hei dar 12 a lo ri dawn der a,  ka ngai lehpek tawh hle mai...
Ka sawi tawh ang khan,  ka movie en a nupa in kalsante kha an in hmangaihna ka. Hmuh khan ka tem ve mek nen hian in anna tam tak an nei tlatin ka hria a ni..

Kan in duat ve em em a, kan in ngai hle bawk a, hmangaihnain a ti tur nia kan hriat chu kan in tihsak mawlh mawlh a ni,  keini ni ve lo tan chuan a atthlakin a hneawm phian maithei, mahse " Ka hmangaihna ka lantir thiam dan a ni ve miau si a,  min lo hrethiam hram teh u," kan han ti a ni..

Ka zuam thlawt lo a ni,  ka hmangaih, ka duat em em han kalsana, tuktin ka aw hre lova a hun a hmang tur te, ka kuah leh ka duat thlahlel em em an, mi in an dawng bik lai a hmu turte, a hlim loang tih ka hlauh em em a kha, a tap ru keuh keuh turte, ka thawmhnaw hak thin a hmuh changa ka taksa an mitthla tur te,  rawng ka bawl sak apiang a tui emaw, tui lo emaw min han fak sak a,  tui tih hmel taka ei thin tu khan,  ka pek ang thin enkawlna a hmuh tawh loh hunah chuan, a in ngaihtuah ang a, a in Khawngaih tur ka hriatin tiang tur chuan ka phal lo a ni....  In ngai leh in ngai kan han in kalsan tur hi ka ngaihtuah ngam lo a ni..
Ka thian tha ber a ni a,  a tel lo chuan ka tlei lova,  mIdang Buaipui hmanin ka siam lo ve bawk nen, a nun ka ti ruak dawn em a ni...

Tihian khing ka sawi te khi ka chan tur zawk lo ni ta se, anin min han kalsan ta se a tuar thiam lo ber pawl ka nih ka ring a ni... Min kalsan lo zawk mai ta che t raw Thianpa?  Ka hmangaih che...

It feels like my soul is not even living inside my body anymore..

caught a bird in flight.

I know that indulgence into drugs, alcohol or any odlf that sort could bring a bad addiction. "It will hurt my body", that i knew and still im steering clear from those and my body ain't marked by those scars...but now,  i realized what i did not know. 
I didn't know that you could become an addiction,  i didnt know that you could hurt my body. Now,  my body is wounded by the feelings you made me feel. 
I should have been telling myself that you were a poison for me and I should have never let you catch me. 
Temporary plans that you made for us are now permanent attachments for me. I'm going in a wrong direction and i'm a nobody for you. 
It feels like my soul is not even living inside my body anymore . I'm devoid of all the feelings that the heart could ever feel, my mind and my body could no longer coordinate..
What my mind thinks is impractical for my body to prove. What i want is what's hurting me,  i don't suffocate but its hard to breathe, i'm still living, but what for? 

I don’t want to rush falling in love anymore..

Photo credit: RICKY VANLALPEKA

Ka han ngaihtuah let leh chang pawh hian hmangaihnaah ka tlan lut ta mai tih ka in hriat pawh khan awm lo tihna kha ka nei mang meuh lo, a chhan ber chu ka mi hmangaih khan ka hmangaihna neih kha a tum ber kha a ni thin reng a, hun min siam a, hun min pekahte hlah lovin ka tan a inpe thei em em a, eitur min siam a, min ti nui a, pum rawl thum khawpa min ti nui theitu awmchhun kha a la ni reng bawk…

Rang takin hmangaihnaah chuan ka lut a, ka inchhir ngai reng reng lo. A tan ka inhuamin, ka theih apiang kha chu ka tihsak ve thin. Chhungkaw dinhmun te a inang lova, a hman hunah ka hman lova, a hnenah ka awm tam thei lova, mahse remchang kan dap ve ruai thin.

Ani nen a kan in hmangaihna kha tunlai tleirawlte inngaihzawn dan tlangpui nen han khaikhin dawn thin ila chuan, hmanlai kan pi leh pute hunlai kha a ang zawk mah awm e.

Inchhawng chung sang atangin bag ka uaithlak tir a, zanlaiah eitur chutah chuan a han dah a, note a hnutchhiah tel bawka, min hmangaih thu leh tui taka ei tur te leh chhel taka engkim hmachhawn turin min chahna te a ni. Ka han ngaihtuah let hian chungahte chuan lemchan engmah a awm bikin ka hre lo, hmun leh hmunah, in pali panga karcheh lek ni mah ila, inmuh kha a har ve hle thin a, concrete ban leh hunt e kha min dangtu an ni pawh hian ka hre lo, mihring rilru zawk khan min daidang ni ber thin in ka hria.

Inhmuh kha kan thlahlel em em ringawt a, nitin khan inhmu lovin kan awm kha hlauvin, dawr kal pah mai mai a han tei dun te kha kan tum tlat zel thin. Rei lo te chhungin darker te chu a ral a, ni a ral, thla a ral a, kum pawh ral leh mai tur khan ka ngai a mahsela rilru te hi a lo danglam thin a, hun tawn mil zel leh kan chhehvela thil thlengte hian rilru hi a lo thlak ve leh mai thin a. Hmangaihna,kan engkim ni thin a pawh kha, engmah lo maia tham ral mai hmabakin kan inkar chu a chhe ta em em mai a nih tawh hi!

Hmangaihten min han kalsan hi chuan tha a thum a, chaw lem a har em em a, tuisik pawh hian hrawk a ti na thei emaw tih mai turin, thawk pah hian awm te hi a hik chuai chuai mai thin ni ber hian ka hria. Nitin, engtik lai pawhin rilrua awmchhun chu, anin min kalsan tak avanga huatna ai chuan, kan in hmangaih thin laia kan hlim dun zia ngaihtuah kha a ni, amah ngaihtuah lovin ni khat ka ban tlang vedawn tawh a maw ka inih tum pawh hian, “ EHE! Vawiin chu amah ngaihtuah lovin ka awm ve thei mawle” ka han tia, amah bawk chu ka ngaihtuah chhunzawm leh thin.

Midang leh thildang reng reng hi a dinhmun luah pha an awm lova, a aiawh tur zawng pawh hian ka phar buai peih tawh lo, nitinin ka la nat pui reng zawng a nih hi!

Ti hian zanin chu ka ngaihtuah taa, hmangaihnaah hian rang takin zuan luh mai ka duh tawh lo.

Ani ka lo hmangaih mai ni khan in ngaihtuah chianna hun ka nei lova, hmanhmawh takin hmangaihnaah khan ka zunag luta. Mahse ani chuan min han kalsan ta a, rang taka hmangaihna rawn piang a khan, rang takin min kalsan leh ta si lova. Muangchangin nitinin ka taksa nen hian min ei ral mek zawk a, hmangaihnaah hian rang taka tlan luh mai ka duh tawh lo, muangchangin min chhuahsan dawn tih ka hriat tawh avangin.

AGAPE.

Hun a lo kal liam ve zel a, ka nun pawh hian hmasawnna nei miah lova ka ngaih laiin, eng kawng kawng emaw chuan rahbi thar a lo kai ve zel a.
Ka nun a ka thil tawh apiang hi, a tawpah chuan PAthian min hriatchhuahtirtu a ni leh thin.Nun hi ka lo thiam lo hle a lo ni a, ka kal sual zel mai thin.
Mahse hmangaih tawp lova min hmangaihtu hian ka nun hi min lo kaihhruaisak thin a. Min han en a, ka bo pil phal lovin, tlukna atang chuan thawhlehna nunin min kaichhuak leh thin.
Heti em em a min hmangaihtu hi haider reng tum chung hian engtin nge maw ka lo hmuingil theih reng ang le? Tawp lova min hmangaihtu hi chhang let lo thei ka ni lo.

A thisen a min tlantu hian, 
ka leiba min tlaksaktu hian,
man dang phut lovin,
ka rinna hi min pawmsaka,
ka rinna a hnena ka kawltir hi
a hun takah min sengtir dawn a ni. 


Hun tam tak kha nun bawlhhlawh leh Pathian huatzawng tih hmang ka ni.
That tum lo leh hmuhsit ching, pawisak nei lova tal reng thin ka ni.
MAhse, kei hi boralna ata Chhandamna hmutuah min siam ve a ni.


LAlpa, ka mamawh lai che chauhin i hnen ka rawn pan thin a, zakin ka kun leh thin.
MAhse nang bel lo ila, hmelma pa lawmna ti tam tu tur mai ani.
Nang mamawhtu che ka nih hi min hriat nawn tir thin a,pawm mai tur ka lo ni. Mihring hriatna hi a tlem si a, hasatna atang lo chuan i hmel ka hmu thin si lo.
Lawmna min pek hi nang hlat nan che ka hmang thin a,i malsawmna chu nang nghilh nan che ka hmang zawk a, Hmangaihna phu lo ka va ni teh lul em!
Mahse Lalpa, mi a te hnar ngai lo,thil sual ti thin leh i mittlung lo hian,Lalpa ka lo pan leh ngawt mai che a ni. Nun dan min zirtir la, ka nun min kaihhruaisak ang che.

At last, he finally became the first guy…

Yes, it is. At last he became the first person to give her a flower, a ROSE.

Through the months they spent together, one of the gifts she’s been wanting to receive any day was a rose. They had broken up already; their relationship had already withered like leaves shedding in the autumn. They fall off to bring spaces for the new spring.

It was Valentine’s Day and she wanted to spend a few hours with him, so he picked her up and went to his place. Nothing around them have a look that supports their broken relationship because almost everything was the same;in the way he looked at her, in the way he talked, the way he held her and the way she feels when he kissed her. It was all the same, but not in what they talked about, he was saying how much it would hurt when either one of us had a new lover, how it would hurt to see them together even in pictures and she was touched by it, she hid her face being afraid of how terrifying it would be when that day comes, he asked her to look at him and there he was, with a red rose in his hand, “it’s for you” he said, she was blushed because it was her first time to receive a flower of any kind.

The atmosphere was calm and she felt important :D, he called her outside and asked if she wants a pot of flower, “stupid! That’s your mom’s. ”she replied, “or this pot of cactus? Pick one” he continued with a smile in his face. She rejected because she thought that it was impractical to take his mom’s flowers. They went downstairs because she needed to leave, he said “lets have our last kiss”, she thought it was for the day so she gave a light kiss on his lips and he asked “is that it? You really want that to be our last kiss? Come here” he said. He gave her a kiss as though it would last forever, one of the most serene scenes of the day. Then, he gave her a bottle of wine too.

So, he dropped her off with one stop on the road because she wanted to buy him chocolates for being so sweet earlier that day. They reached their destination, he said he would talk to her when he reached home; she gave him a wave of goodbye for that day.

Hours later, she switched on her laptop and went to www.intagram.com as she scrolled through the posts, one of those had  her, right when she read the caption “#giftfrommyvalentine” she loaded the picture because she thought it was going to be the picture of the chocolate she bought in a rush, but it was not. He already had a girlfriend! It was a total surprise, she felt down, her heart was not functioning in the way it should, her heart gets emotional instead of pumping blood. She died a little, but she resumed being alive.

She have to tell people on how much cheating a person does, to this girl and the other, but we “girls” sometimes love too much and risk everything for a guy like him!

But she decided to move on, exactly like she told him a few days ago, she told herself,

“I WOULD RATHER GET MY HEART BROKEN BY SOMEONE ELSE THEN GIVING HIM THE CHANCE TO BREAK IT AGAIN.” 

JUMBLED UP.

Hello again. J

Here, I just want to share with you guys some of the lines I just wrote, I know there will be some of you who will relate to it J

ENJOY

#1.

She looks at him and she was sure that they won’t work out,

That was her biggest fear.

But still, she needs to take the chance.

She risks her heart for an hour to be spent with him,

Because all she ever wanted was to have him for eternity.

#2.

Its hurting when you know for sure that you can’t keep him to yourself for a lifetime;

Because even when he is at his best, he’s just fine for a one night stand.

#3.

She looked at him so closely

That she could see his feelings.

She hugged him so tightly

That his heart was beating on her chest.

She listened to him so conscientiously

That his voice blows through her ears.

What she heard, what he said was the sweetest and the most magical that to her was audible.

He said, “I love you”

But she knew him well.

So well that she knows exactly how long that his love will lasts;

And that is as long as the longest hand of the clock takes to strike after its last.

But she holds on as she was still hoping for the opposite.

#4.

She dresses for hours, puts her make up on;

Picked out the best outfit she could find after hours of browsing through her clothes.

She lets her hair down but then styled it up a bit,

Because he loves her in braids.

She took her bag and as she holds the door knob she breath deeply.

He was waiting by the doorstep;

But she only glanced.

It was because she was shy on having her feet walking next to a guy who used to be her distant crush.

He grabbed her hand but inside a part of her resisted.

She was afraid of getting hurt, she was afraid of being forgotten the next day.

She don’t know him because his eyes were full of secrets, but she still chose to trust him.

I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be.

10:00 am-

“I miss you so much, I wish that you are home right now. Baby, please make it soon, you know my parents aren’t home and I’ll be home alone all through this week, I wish you were here.”

12:00 pm-

She received a text message,

‘Hey, i'm coming over to see you’

It was from a friend she hardly talk to, a cool, handsome guy with cool physique, captive eyes and a killer smile.

She replied, “ohhh! Yes, come over with a drink, I’d like to save it for later :D”

He said that he will and that he’ll be there by 1 o’clock.

As he said he does came by, they were friends not close ones though, they listened to songs played on loud stereos, she loved the song so much as it said much about her relationship with her boyfriend miles away from her.

They chat and he danced to the music, he was having good moves (as he thinks of himself :D), they were alone in a room, nobody to care. By the time she looks at the clock, hours already passed even before she realized it was dark outside and already time for dinner. She invited him to stay and he did. After few hours of cooking and dining, they get back inside her room.

Having the chit chats over a drink and cigarettes, she was in love with the moment, having drinking herself high and not aware of the do’s and don’t’s anymore, she lay on her bed thinking about galaxies and outer space, how magical but disappointing it is for her to exist. She felt everything around her, a handsome guy singing to melancholic tunes and hands so warm was with her all along, she knew that she was going in a wrong direction but she cared less.

She needs company and someone to make her feel that she exists on this planet with someone noticing her and someone to make her feel comfortable being herself as she had always fantasized about. Elsewhere she feels neglected and unwanted, people makes her feel like a burden and she hates noticing that on their faces and she was drained with emotions.

She opened her dreamy eyes but it was still so dark, as much as it was while she closed her eyes and as dull as it was when her lashes brush through her cheeks. She talks enough sense but she lost her mind. He listened and she was touched inside the cotton pieces she used to cover herself, underneath her skin and the rib of bones where the pounding heart skips a beat.

Within no time it was a start of a new day, she was yet again afraid of being forgotten the coming day the dawn was about to bring. But though it was very unlikely with the way the earth revolves, HE STAYED.. he stayed with her, in her room and in her heart. She started exposing like an open book written in secret codes, she unravels every of her deepest secrets.

He found out that she was twisted and broken; needing mending in every of the cracks where life happened to tore her. He possessed that power by the look in his eyes. He was interesting, he cooks for her, he tucked her to sleep and he provides everything, the essentials and everything else she didn’t knew her life was demanding. He gave her funny names and crack jokes and made her feel accepted with as much brokenness and emptiness she knew she had. He stayed with her and yet she is about to face the new world having him beside her. :D

Before Life steals all of my innocence, I’m deciding to play fair with my heart.

When I do anything I hardly think of what people would feel about my actions. I am not trying to please people or win them over,I don’t expect them to please me either. What I want friendship or any other relationship to be is “free”, like free from all the judgmental attitudes like, “what my friend would think of me if I do this and that”, “maybe my friend wouldn’t like me anymore”, or maybe “my friend would gossip about me if I indulge into such and such”, having to care of all those would be so tiring and heavy. I’d rather have none of those relationships.

 When I was 18 years old, that was just two years ago I faced so many of these. Before, I was free from all of these because I have good friends and good family, the family which had always been a place where people have spiritual conventions and talk about their testimonies because we are Christians.

 But as I passed my 12^th grade, I shifted to a whole new level of experiences. Seriously, it took only two persons to make me realize all the bitterness this earth had borne. They are the trials and now I’m going through it so well. It took one night and a one topic conversation to introduce me to a gossiping, awkward, total acting but a real live kind of friendship.

I came to know that this kind of relationships are real, people are not so kind, people are not so intimate even with themselves,  people are bitter inside and people don’t deserve the purest intimacy all the time, people could be mean, friends could be mean or should I no longer call them “FRIENDS”? I don’t want anything to do with them. I’m terrified by their act of friendship but I want to put no blame on them maybe Life happened to be hard on them, for having such ugliness inside and also on the outside:D ha-ha

 From there onwards I was changed, people knew that I did and they were not comfortable with the new me, because I was turned into someone so different from what they knew earlier, but life happened. “Good things don’t last forever, nor does sadness” I find new interests, mostly I got back to the old me, I resumed to write, I resumed to compose (as you’re reading :D) and I’m back into music, I find new melodies, I find good companies, I get back with my old friends and get to know that “Old is really gold”

I’m so much alright now; right here, lots of gaps between me and the frauds I told you about. I don’t know if they are happy where they are, or if there is anything going on, these paragraphs are not meant to be about them as much as my life is not. Lol.

And tonight, you might feel like you had a tough time, you may feel burdened with the responsibilities, maybe so carried away with the chores that you don’t even have time for yourself, stay calm, tell yourself to pause, get yourself doing something that you used to love, find time to stay true to yourself, let all the need of pleasing or serving anyone else flee off of you, get yourself a time to think, ask yourself if what you’re in right now makes you happy inside, not having to convince yourself by the bane or the boon of such things you are doing. If you can’t give yourself the answers TURN TO JESUS, He is the answer to everything, if you don’t know much about Christianity or anything about Jesus, whole heartedly recite these lines:

     “LORD, I need you tonight, to help me find the purpose laid for me. I need you because I don’t even know that I need you, speak to me and show me the way, I submit myself unto your guidance and help me believe in you. In Jesus’ name, Amen”

 This prayer will get you something new, “Jesus” this name is the most powerful name man had called upon, I’m sure He knows how to help you. He gave me a new life and a purpose, I’m sure that He has that power to change you too, if you just rely on Him and if you just give Him that space, and if you choose Him, because He won’t force you, HE SETS EVERYONE WHO BELIEVES IN HIM FREE, let HIM set you free. Freedom is what human needs most.               
Now I am free of all the things, I had talked about earlier because HE HELPED ME, JESUS HELPED ME.

I CAN PREDICT YOUR PLANS :D

I can predict your plans. Not exactly on how you are going about it or how you will get there but I’m sure it’s about happiness, success, good vacations on exotic places. Maybe marriage, setting up family, have beautiful kids, setting up business, do well with job, build up great careers, owning apartments, dress well, eat healthy and have a sound sleep. I am right, right? :D

None of it includes being in jail, getting broke, ailments, failures or death.

I don’t include those in my list either, except one. Surprised? Huh? Well, it isn’t normal so you should be. That one thing is DEATH, honestly I’m diligently preparing for that one thing to finally take me away from here because Death is the only way I would reach to my dreams. What I desire is not from here, it doesn’t belong with the attractions on this earth, it doesn’t agree with GRAVITY.

GRAVITY is what’s holding me down; I need Death to help me,my soul defy Gravity, to help me fly to HEAVEN. Every person I love is waiting for me there, I don’t know what’s calling them home so early but I badly need to join them.

On knowing what could happen to my health on the near future, I’m deciding to act differently and I know that I don’t have much time here. Savings and selfish attitudes don’t usually get on my way because I love to give things away. I want to be carefree; I want to have nothing except Love.

I don’t want to keep any treasure to myself, I don’t have much of them either and I know, I’m sure that I had proven myself the joy of giving. I want to help people out, I want to make people feel recognized, I want to make them feel that they are given attention, I just want to make people feel important and I want to remind them that our world isn’t so hopeless.

To finally get over the Materialistic mindset I had earlier, I went through a lot of breaks and burns. I always denied that I needed those lessons; I never want to convince myself that those built me up and now, surely I accept the Truth and I feel amazing to own this new perspective.

It takes toils; take souls, takes time to run to where you belong and still I’m searching. WHERE I belong is wide open spaces, calm atmosphere, long drapes hanging over wide windows, a rocking chair, big stereos to play loud music, gazing at the view of a calm beach, wearing laces, holding a pen writing down anything that’s on my mind. I just want to spend time dreaming, escaping from what this earth is offering.

I just want to get lost, but not having to die;

I want to vanish, but never cause any loss;

 I want to disappear, but I want nobody to search for me;

I want to escape, but be somewhere else.

You had dreamt of those right? 

 

WHAT THESE LITTLE ATTRACTIONS DOES TO LIFE:

" AS my phone rang, i picked up the call and

 'she wants to talk to you,' 

was what your uncle told me, we talked and talked " HE SAID. 

"SO, what did you guys talked about?" that was my question.

then he says, "YOU"

"What's there to talk about? did you guys really talk? when?" i asked him many questions because i wasn't expecting this conversation.

Well, that was what my dad and i talked about last February, 2015.

The conversation he talked about happened before my mom was in comma because of her brain tumor and cancer that spreads all over her body, she asked my uncle to ring up my dad, as she was weak and half of her body paralyzed.  

My mom and dad had a sad, tragic but interesting love story, and i don't know even half of it because my mom would never tell me those, maybe just like me, she's afraid of bursting out with tears as she recites the story or the facts.

Sorry that i can't tell you much about this, and i cant even remember what i tried to post at first, sorry about that :)

Ummm, yeah, my dad was a fighter, a street fighter but then as my mom came along, he wanted to change how people talks about him, because he finally wants to leave his  old life and become a better man, for a husband and for a father. But old habits die hard and your friends gradually don't change, it was hard for him to completely erase what people knew of him.

When my mom's dad, my grandfather, being overprotective heard about my mom and her boyfriend who literally is a massive mess, he could not allow that relationship to continue. But my mom was many hours away from home and living next to my dad's quarters, grandpa didn't have much power, and my father being so in love and so desperate for my mom, couldn't control his feelings. HE AND MOM RAN :) ( this is so cute, i must say) RAN in a sense that he brought my mom home and so i came into being! TinggG!

But my grandparents couldn't let that be, they asked my mom to go back home and my mom being disciplined all through life, fears the Lord and her father,and she get back home being a few months pregnant. 

I was born and my dad once told me that i was born just the way they wanted me to be.

Mom and dad used to talk about what i would grow up to be, to whom i'd be more alike :)

My dad says that i took my nose from him, my eyes, my lips and my hair just like my mom, just the way they wanted me to be :)

He told me that i was perfect, and he would always tell me in different ways, by words, by action, how much he loves me.

Today is my 20th birthday, this story is way older than me. Today these two people are terribly missed.

Mom is busy doing some praise and worship in heaven and my dad is probably babysitting my one year old stepbrother.

I'm glad that mom and dad finally moved on, enjoying their separate ways, but wait they left me  :) i know that its for the better, the HOLY GHOST is with me and providing me everything.

Thank you for reading and enjoy your love lifes. 

HI! Lets see how it goes :)

Ummm.. I'm new to this... and this really is a result of my lack of other activities than social networks,,, but this seems quite interesting..

i've read some interesting blogs and that makes me kinda tempted to try this...

Hope we could get along well....!!

WELCOME TO MY WORLD!