My safe space

My safe space; 

A space where I thought I’m secure in,

Where I’m understood and unconditionally loved; 

A space I thought I ruled in and a person I thought was mine as much as I am his.

He was that space;

I confide in him and I thought more of him and less of my own, he was my centre and I, peripheral.

I loved him with all of my heart and never once was I selfish towards him.

The space was null, non- existent.

It was a realm that only exists in a world i created in my head, 

I was unaware of what really happened before my eyes, I deluded myself.

Now, I am awake.

Some things are too good;

Too good to be true and you’re the “one thing” that was good,

Only hoping for it and praying that I won’t see things that don’t exist.

I’ll love me more, I’ll be good to myself.

Sorry, dear myself.

But I’d wanna die if that happens.

If you don’t look at me the way you do any longer.

I don't know how hard it’ll be, to try to un-know you,

And to unlearn everything you’ve introduced me to;

Bứt mostly I don't want to try to un-love you.

I’d die anyway..

Even if I don't bring it upon myself,

I’d do so anyway.

What attracts you, what brings you peace and serenity with ecstasy; I want to be all of them.

I don't want to keep you longing for anyone else or anything else.

But if I’m not the answer to all of your questions 

What else can I do? Except to end it with myself 

For being such a failure to my own existence

What if one day you wake up and realise that I’m just someone you wasted your time with

While I was dreaming of forevers and happy ever afters?

How could I live knowing that you don’t love me anymore?

But that’s none of your concern,

I’d live, I’d die being yours and yours alone.

(6 May 2023 at 10:48 PM)