Death- like grip

 I held you tight with a 

“death-like grip”

But still, you slipped through.

With all of your limits

I want you so much

But I know that it is not going to last

Every time I look at you

I need to get myself ready for a goodbye 

Knowing that I’m holding on to something so delicate

I’m still giving you myself piece by piece

Never knowing when you’ll call it off

I still choose to accept your forever with all of it’s limits

Now, you don’t even ask me to give you my hand

You’re holding it as if it was always yours

And I’m foolishly letting you take me over

Like I’m never finding someone better

Tonight, I’m sure that I will want to go back to this day

Wishing that I didn’t give you the power to kill me softly

But tonight, I still choose you over a million what ifs

Because I want you with all of your limits.

Several times over

I wish that you would keep me safe in your heart; 

I will do the same for you, several times over.

Propositions

 I used to keep my secrets to Myself my whole life and 

in my latter teenage life i learnt to share. 

Sharing was okay and sharing was healing me at a certain point 

and it felt good until they were used against me. 

The, in my early- twenties I hold it in once again. 

I have no more courage to share my deepest feelings, for I'm aware that I will be judged no matter what. 

Why are people so insensitive?

Being a good listener, you can save someone else from the hands of cold thoughts but now,

 the world is cruel and we won't let people around us heal because  we are so judgmental. 

I am becoming more irresponsible 

I put the blame on everyone else around me

Hardly i ever reflect on myself

But this is what i turn out to be

At least I hope my propositions might awake a soul

I'm scared of...

 I'm scared of being loved

Because I'm scared of never having the chance to feel it again. 

I'm scared of being happy 

Because I'm scared  of being reminded of how good it felt and never feel it again.

I'm scared of having you

Because I'm scared of being  left alone 

Or having everything else except you. 

Its not a big deal

It's not a big deal-

If you are messing up a bit,

Struggling to find out what comforts you and what brings you peace;

It's not a big deal-

Failing to move forward,

Getting stuck where you are and watching people transcending.

Your day will come-

As long as your heart pulsates 

There will come a day for you to say 

That all those things were not a big deal.

I wish that I was good enough

I wish that I was good enough...

Good enough, to at least have the courage

The courage, to ask you to stay.

 

Like a fangirl

Everytime, I look at my phone in hopes of 

him being the one who's calling..

But just like that, the hope turns into hurt, 

then the feeling of rejection slides in..

I feel like a fangirl, watching you from afar 

and you never even wondering how I'm doing.. 

Everybody wants to hear your sad story

Everybody wants to hear your sad story 

until they become a part of it. 

Oftentimes they will be adding scenes to your sad story. 

You'll be left more broken if your luck deserts you like mine does. 

No, love is a one- way street.

He said, "love is a two- way street" 

but i guess it never is. 

I guess love is mostly a one-way street, 

it begins and ends there more often than not. 

I guess I'll continue to grow where you left off,

 love you for quite a bit 

and maybe someday you'll come back 

or maybe I'll run out of more to give. 

When the day comes maybe I could finally smile and laugh again,  

eat and dine with lots of appetite,  

maybe this blood pressure would come back to normal, 

maybe you'll come back to hold me or 

I'll be setting off from where you left off. 

But as of now, I'll be waiting. 

Even a day feels like years 

but i don't mind waiting for a century for you to come back; 

Hoping you'll love me again like the first day you do.

I was a part of that wonderful crowd.

I'll never forget bathing in ice cold water 

Sharing a seat with the bus as we're floating on water

Soaring along with the eagles and sharing the bed with the beetles

Cooking meals using firewoods and roaming about in the woods

Taking bumpy rides and singing amidst the bonfires

The sight of sunsets and the smiles on happy faces

The frozen dew drops and the melancholic star sights

All together remaining in my memories, in pictures and in sounds, in videos and in the odour and in all of my six

senses. 

I'll never forget that I was a part of that wonderful crowd through all of my coming ages. 

In silence I chose to proclaim all the loud noises.

Sometimes i can hear your text messages;

The tone of your voice and the intensity of anger transcending. 

If only you paid heed to the emotions i left for you to read,

In the silence i chose to proclaim all the loud noises inside my head. 

If only you didn't hastily hurt me but rather take time to hold me, 

I'll never be writing these lines and you would never be a part of my sad story.

"Anu"

"Anu, la ti duai duai rual i ni toh lo" min tih thleng a, 

"Anu" tia koh tur neih ve ka va han chak tak em.. 

What it is

Well,  i don't care if it's fiction or more 

That makes me stereotype some boys as I've known much more;

Than to start trusting and giving your heart

Just because of the reputation and the words you heard,

Be it coming out from their own mind or

 the words from the Holy Scriptures 

All men are the same underneath.

They'll tell you that men have that nature 

and ask for your heart at the same time

Apologizing for what the other guy did and intend to do the same.

He will call you "His" but he'll never be "yours"

He will Ask for your attention while he'll have lust for someone else who gives him little attention . 

I'm not telling you not to trust a guy but I'm telling you, "You'll "untrust" him soon". 

Setana hian khawvel min hmangaihtir a tum a ni.

Setana hian khawvel min hmangaihtir a tum a ni. 

Khawvel hian min hliam a, min tina a ni tih hre reng chungin kalsan hleithei lovin min siam a. 

Na tuar reng rengin, khawvelah nawmna min zawntir a tum a,

 Tha te te a Pathian hre miah lo pawh a min tleitir a duh tawk lo, hrehawm nasa tak tuar chunga,  Pathian lak atanga min lakchhuah a, zalen tawhte hi tihretheih min tum a ni. 

Nimahsela, setana leh a hmanraw chi tinreng hian Pa hmangaihna lak atangin min lachhuak thei chuang lo. Chumi ti tur chuan chakna a nei lo a ni. 

Chu chu hre rengin Setana hnathawh chu i do tlat ang u. Setana hi hneh tawh sa ni mahse, Pathian nena inzawmna thuk i nei si lo a nih chuan, Setana chuan awlsam takin a hneh mai dawn che a ni , a chhan chu Pathian phena awmtur chuan a bul hnaia i awm kha a ngai a ni, i buante kha tisa an ni si lo. 
Pathian nen a inzawmna thuk zawk neihtir tur che in Thlarau Thianghlim i mamawh a, sawm thin la, be tlangnel thin ang che.
 "Thlarau Thianghlim" 
tiin ko la, be mawlh mawlh rawh, i thian tha ber, zaidam leh ngilnei taka ngaithla tur che a kan hnena "Awma" chu a ni.  Tichuan, Zirtirtu ngilnei ber chuan a hruai thin ang che. 

Aw! ka thuziak chhiartu , 

Lalpan malsawm che se la,

Thlarau diktak chuan kaihruai che rawh se, 

Chhandam hlimna pe che se la,

A hmangaihna, A khawngaihna, A duhsakna,  A hruaina,  A thiltihtheina a thuam i nihkha theihnghilh suh aw. 

Lalpan malsawm rawh se, Amen. 

Through the ages.

Kum engzat nge a nih ka hre thei tawh lo-

Ni khat lek pawh i hmangaih tel lova i nun khawhar zia kha ngaihtuah la,  a nih loh  pawhin hmangaihtu che nei lova i inhriat vanga i nun a ruakzia kha han ngaihtuah la..  Ni za tam tak,  thla tam tak,  kum tam tak, hmangaihtu dik ngaihtuah lova,  Pathian hmangaihna ka uiresan khan ka nun a hrehawm em em a ni tih min hriatpui thei ang. Sual ata tal chhuah tumna chang pawh hre lovin sual chuan chu khur thuk chu ka awmna hmun tur emaw min tih tir a.. Tal chhuaha, tanpuina ban pawh vuan ngam lovin min awm tir a ni.  Nimahsela,  vawiin hian chu kawl rit ata chu chhuah ka ni tih ka in hria e.. 

A malsawmna ka dawn zara ka lo chapopui ve,  ka nihna emaw ka tih te'ngte kha Ani min theihngilh tirtu a nih avangin ka tan chuan a hnawk em em a ni. Ka lo thanlenpui sual tam tak min hriatchhuah tir a; A hnena tawngtaia, ngaihdam dil tul ni a ka hriat loh tam tak hi min hmuhtir a, ka tenawmzia ka hriat rualin A hmangaihna daltu atan an tlin lohzia min la hrilh cheu a ni. 

Lalpa, ka va han lawm em. 

Chhungkaw neinung tak atangin chhuak lo mah ila,

 Nangmah hretu chhungkua min pe a. 

Thiantha chu ngah lo mah ila, 

thian nih hlutna min hriattir thintu min pe a. 

Bel chhia leh ruak ngawt ka nih lai pawhin 

I hmangaihna in min kalsan lova, 

Zawn che tulna ka hriat loh laiin, 

Nangmah zawkin min rawn tâwk leh a. 

Lawmthu sawi nachang ka hriat loh khawp a 

tlaia min siamna thin thil tam tak avangin ka lawm bawk a ni. 

Vantirhkoh min vengtu min pe, 

i mit naute ang maiin dimdawi takin min enkawl bawk a. 

Lawmna tur ka va han ngah em, 

 hnaih zel thei tur che in min pui ang che. 

Lalpa, ka lawm e. 

Neih ve loh ngai a ka tah a tam awm mang nge!

Nang chuan, i saisen tet a ta nupui fanau i neih thlengin chun leh zua-te thlazar hnuaiah hlim ni leh lungngaih ni i chhiar thin. Kal i la thiam hma hauhvin an kai che a,  "Kal chhet chhet" tiin an zirtir che a, an lak atanga i kal bo chang pawhin an um zui thin che. I hlim leh i nui ri te an ngaihthlakin an lung a awi a, i tap leh i rum ri an hriatin an na thin.  I mamawh an hriat sak che a, i itzawng leh i duhzawngte lam an hriat sak che, i ei chak zawng leh i rawng ngainat zawng te, i thian kawm thin te leh i thin ti na tute pawh. 

Kei hi min han en ta che chun chawi lohin, zuapa i tel lovin, seilianin hei hma lam ka ban. Tu ban in nge min chelh a, kal min zirtir a, min umzui thin ka hre lo,  ka hlim a ka kianga nui a, Lungngaih min hriatpuitu an awm ka hre lo. Ka tawn ve loh ngai hian ka tap thin a,  ka la tem ve loh tem ve chakin ka lo rum thin,  "chunnu leh zuapa" tia koh eih tur nei ve lo hian,  "zing khat tal chu ka kiangah han awm ve thei ula" tiin duhthu ka han sam ve thin nang in; "I tawn ve loh tuarin ka tap a, ka tawn ve loh ngai hian a ni ka lo rum ni." tiin ka in chhang leh mai 

From Strangers to Strangers.

From Strangers we part as Strangers. 
Strangers with regrets and strangers with memories;
Strangers with empty hands and strangers with heavy hearts;
Strangers who don't fight for the things they love and strangers who chose to stay as strangers.

Inclined to saying Goodbye.

It had only been a few minutes and now it feels like a long eternity of silence.

Souls are connected by a simple "Hello" and easily divided by a "Goodbye"

"What have I done to myself?"

"Why Was I so thoughtless?"

Easily giving myself in for things that could break me, things that are yet so distant but yet so near,things that are out of reach but could harm me so deep, a soul that touched me but left me. 

Within a few days of not caring about what the future holds, yet again i am left with no choice but to breathe in the hurt. This fragile heart in search of happiness is only inclined to an endless loop of sorrow. 

But the blame is on me, i fall in love so easily but slowly fall out of love. 

A note to self.

Mamawhna che ka neih hmain ka tan i awm a;
Mamawhna che ka neih laiin ka tan i awm bawk a, 
I tel lova awm ka ngam loh veleh min kalsan leh si. 
I tel lovin ka lo nui a, ka lo tap tawh. 
Hmangaihte sunin, hmangaihten min lo phatsan tawh; 
Dam reng chung hian ka thahrui zawng zawng hian min lo kiamsan tawh a, 
Thi si lo hian nunna reng reng nei lovin ka lo nung tawh; 
Hahdamna zawng reng rengin phurrit ka in siam a, 
Hlimna ka hmuh veleh, tahin a zui bawk thin. 
Chuti chung chuan, tun thleng hian hlau miah lovin, ka nat tawh zat dawn lovin, huaisen takin ka la pen tang tang thin.