Its not a big deal

It's not a big deal-

If you are messing up a bit,

Struggling to find out what comforts you and what brings you peace;

It's not a big deal-

Failing to move forward,

Getting stuck where you are and watching people transcending.

Your day will come-

As long as your heart pulsates 

There will come a day for you to say 

That all those things were not a big deal.

I wish that I was good enough

I wish that I was good enough...

Good enough, to at least have the courage

The courage, to ask you to stay.

 

Like a fangirl

Everytime, I look at my phone in hopes of 

him being the one who's calling..

But just like that, the hope turns into hurt, 

then the feeling of rejection slides in..

I feel like a fangirl, watching you from afar 

and you never even wondering how I'm doing.. 

Everybody wants to hear your sad story

Everybody wants to hear your sad story 

until they become a part of it. 

Oftentimes they will be adding scenes to your sad story. 

You'll be left more broken if your luck deserts you like mine does. 

No, love is a one- way street.

He said, "love is a two- way street" 

but i guess it never is. 

I guess love is mostly a one-way street, 

it begins and ends there more often than not. 

I guess I'll continue to grow where you left off,

 love you for quite a bit 

and maybe someday you'll come back 

or maybe I'll run out of more to give. 

When the day comes maybe I could finally smile and laugh again,  

eat and dine with lots of appetite,  

maybe this blood pressure would come back to normal, 

maybe you'll come back to hold me or 

I'll be setting off from where you left off. 

But as of now, I'll be waiting. 

Even a day feels like years 

but i don't mind waiting for a century for you to come back; 

Hoping you'll love me again like the first day you do.

I was a part of that wonderful crowd.

I'll never forget bathing in ice cold water 

Sharing a seat with the bus as we're floating on water

Soaring along with the eagles and sharing the bed with the beetles

Cooking meals using firewoods and roaming about in the woods

Taking bumpy rides and singing amidst the bonfires

The sight of sunsets and the smiles on happy faces

The frozen dew drops and the melancholic star sights

All together remaining in my memories, in pictures and in sounds, in videos and in the odour and in all of my six

senses. 

I'll never forget that I was a part of that wonderful crowd through all of my coming ages. 

In silence I chose to proclaim all the loud noises.

Sometimes i can hear your text messages;

The tone of your voice and the intensity of anger transcending. 

If only you paid heed to the emotions i left for you to read,

In the silence i chose to proclaim all the loud noises inside my head. 

If only you didn't hastily hurt me but rather take time to hold me, 

I'll never be writing these lines and you would never be a part of my sad story.

"Anu"

"Anu, la ti duai duai rual i ni toh lo" min tih thleng a, 

"Anu" tia koh tur neih ve ka va han chak tak em.. 

What it is

Well,  i don't care if it's fiction or more 

That makes me stereotype some boys as I've known much more;

Than to start trusting and giving your heart

Just because of the reputation and the words you heard,

Be it coming out from their own mind or

 the words from the Holy Scriptures 

All men are the same underneath.

They'll tell you that men have that nature 

and ask for your heart at the same time

Apologizing for what the other guy did and intend to do the same.

He will call you "His" but he'll never be "yours"

He will Ask for your attention while he'll have lust for someone else who gives him little attention . 

I'm not telling you not to trust a guy but I'm telling you, "You'll "untrust" him soon". 

Setana hian khawvel min hmangaihtir a tum a ni.

Setana hian khawvel min hmangaihtir a tum a ni. 

Khawvel hian min hliam a, min tina a ni tih hre reng chungin kalsan hleithei lovin min siam a. 

Na tuar reng rengin, khawvelah nawmna min zawntir a tum a,

 Tha te te a Pathian hre miah lo pawh a min tleitir a duh tawk lo, hrehawm nasa tak tuar chunga,  Pathian lak atanga min lakchhuah a, zalen tawhte hi tihretheih min tum a ni. 

Nimahsela, setana leh a hmanraw chi tinreng hian Pa hmangaihna lak atangin min lachhuak thei chuang lo. Chumi ti tur chuan chakna a nei lo a ni. 

Chu chu hre rengin Setana hnathawh chu i do tlat ang u. Setana hi hneh tawh sa ni mahse, Pathian nena inzawmna thuk i nei si lo a nih chuan, Setana chuan awlsam takin a hneh mai dawn che a ni , a chhan chu Pathian phena awmtur chuan a bul hnaia i awm kha a ngai a ni, i buante kha tisa an ni si lo. 
Pathian nen a inzawmna thuk zawk neihtir tur che in Thlarau Thianghlim i mamawh a, sawm thin la, be tlangnel thin ang che.
 "Thlarau Thianghlim" 
tiin ko la, be mawlh mawlh rawh, i thian tha ber, zaidam leh ngilnei taka ngaithla tur che a kan hnena "Awma" chu a ni.  Tichuan, Zirtirtu ngilnei ber chuan a hruai thin ang che. 

Aw! ka thuziak chhiartu , 

Lalpan malsawm che se la,

Thlarau diktak chuan kaihruai che rawh se, 

Chhandam hlimna pe che se la,

A hmangaihna, A khawngaihna, A duhsakna,  A hruaina,  A thiltihtheina a thuam i nihkha theihnghilh suh aw. 

Lalpan malsawm rawh se, Amen. 

Through the ages.

Kum engzat nge a nih ka hre thei tawh lo-

Ni khat lek pawh i hmangaih tel lova i nun khawhar zia kha ngaihtuah la,  a nih loh  pawhin hmangaihtu che nei lova i inhriat vanga i nun a ruakzia kha han ngaihtuah la..  Ni za tam tak,  thla tam tak,  kum tam tak, hmangaihtu dik ngaihtuah lova,  Pathian hmangaihna ka uiresan khan ka nun a hrehawm em em a ni tih min hriatpui thei ang. Sual ata tal chhuah tumna chang pawh hre lovin sual chuan chu khur thuk chu ka awmna hmun tur emaw min tih tir a.. Tal chhuaha, tanpuina ban pawh vuan ngam lovin min awm tir a ni.  Nimahsela,  vawiin hian chu kawl rit ata chu chhuah ka ni tih ka in hria e.. 

A malsawmna ka dawn zara ka lo chapopui ve,  ka nihna emaw ka tih te'ngte kha Ani min theihngilh tirtu a nih avangin ka tan chuan a hnawk em em a ni. Ka lo thanlenpui sual tam tak min hriatchhuah tir a; A hnena tawngtaia, ngaihdam dil tul ni a ka hriat loh tam tak hi min hmuhtir a, ka tenawmzia ka hriat rualin A hmangaihna daltu atan an tlin lohzia min la hrilh cheu a ni. 

Lalpa, ka va han lawm em. 

Chhungkaw neinung tak atangin chhuak lo mah ila,

 Nangmah hretu chhungkua min pe a. 

Thiantha chu ngah lo mah ila, 

thian nih hlutna min hriattir thintu min pe a. 

Bel chhia leh ruak ngawt ka nih lai pawhin 

I hmangaihna in min kalsan lova, 

Zawn che tulna ka hriat loh laiin, 

Nangmah zawkin min rawn tâwk leh a. 

Lawmthu sawi nachang ka hriat loh khawp a 

tlaia min siamna thin thil tam tak avangin ka lawm bawk a ni. 

Vantirhkoh min vengtu min pe, 

i mit naute ang maiin dimdawi takin min enkawl bawk a. 

Lawmna tur ka va han ngah em, 

 hnaih zel thei tur che in min pui ang che. 

Lalpa, ka lawm e. 

Neih ve loh ngai a ka tah a tam awm mang nge!

Nang chuan, i saisen tet a ta nupui fanau i neih thlengin chun leh zua-te thlazar hnuaiah hlim ni leh lungngaih ni i chhiar thin. Kal i la thiam hma hauhvin an kai che a,  "Kal chhet chhet" tiin an zirtir che a, an lak atanga i kal bo chang pawhin an um zui thin che. I hlim leh i nui ri te an ngaihthlakin an lung a awi a, i tap leh i rum ri an hriatin an na thin.  I mamawh an hriat sak che a, i itzawng leh i duhzawngte lam an hriat sak che, i ei chak zawng leh i rawng ngainat zawng te, i thian kawm thin te leh i thin ti na tute pawh. 

Kei hi min han en ta che chun chawi lohin, zuapa i tel lovin, seilianin hei hma lam ka ban. Tu ban in nge min chelh a, kal min zirtir a, min umzui thin ka hre lo,  ka hlim a ka kianga nui a, Lungngaih min hriatpuitu an awm ka hre lo. Ka tawn ve loh ngai hian ka tap thin a,  ka la tem ve loh tem ve chakin ka lo rum thin,  "chunnu leh zuapa" tia koh eih tur nei ve lo hian,  "zing khat tal chu ka kiangah han awm ve thei ula" tiin duhthu ka han sam ve thin nang in; "I tawn ve loh tuarin ka tap a, ka tawn ve loh ngai hian a ni ka lo rum ni." tiin ka in chhang leh mai 

From Strangers to Strangers.

From Strangers we part as Strangers. 
Strangers with regrets and strangers with memories;
Strangers with empty hands and strangers with heavy hearts;
Strangers who don't fight for the things they love and strangers who chose to stay as strangers.

Inclined to saying Goodbye.

It had only been a few minutes and now it feels like a long eternity of silence.

Souls are connected by a simple "Hello" and easily divided by a "Goodbye"

"What have I done to myself?"

"Why Was I so thoughtless?"

Easily giving myself in for things that could break me, things that are yet so distant but yet so near,things that are out of reach but could harm me so deep, a soul that touched me but left me. 

Within a few days of not caring about what the future holds, yet again i am left with no choice but to breathe in the hurt. This fragile heart in search of happiness is only inclined to an endless loop of sorrow. 

But the blame is on me, i fall in love so easily but slowly fall out of love. 

A note to self.

Mamawhna che ka neih hmain ka tan i awm a;
Mamawhna che ka neih laiin ka tan i awm bawk a, 
I tel lova awm ka ngam loh veleh min kalsan leh si. 
I tel lovin ka lo nui a, ka lo tap tawh. 
Hmangaihte sunin, hmangaihten min lo phatsan tawh; 
Dam reng chung hian ka thahrui zawng zawng hian min lo kiamsan tawh a, 
Thi si lo hian nunna reng reng nei lovin ka lo nung tawh; 
Hahdamna zawng reng rengin phurrit ka in siam a, 
Hlimna ka hmuh veleh, tahin a zui bawk thin. 
Chuti chung chuan, tun thleng hian hlau miah lovin, ka nat tawh zat dawn lovin, huaisen takin ka la pen tang tang thin. 

I found you and then I loose you.

my trusted advisors.

So, you told me that there is nothing left for me and I am slowly coming to figure it out.

All the things you said to me about how there is no memory of us saying that that we had not created any of such and mocked at the late night calls that made me fall in love,  saying that it was lame and just a fling.

Can't you see that those meant more to me than it did to you?

 I am a one stupid girl who enjoys late night calls, a stupid girl who chose to hurt her own feelings for a guy who mocks at her honesty, a stupid girl who doesn't know how to stop loving, a stupid girl  who is unloved. 

I never knew that I would found you so easily and loose you so easily because keeping you was not so easy. 
I found you and then I loose you. 

Because it is imploding inside me.

With every bit of my strength trying to persuade him but at the same time trying to let go of my desire of him; I am losing my patience and i am losing control.

Of all the people living within this perimeter and beyond, my heart is attached to his while his is bound with the intention to deny me of my affections for him. 

I wish I could tell him about all the things that happened inside my body today. I was feeling the pain inside the bones of my chest, breathing was hard and living inside my body was agonizing. 

I know that it is wrong to have 
this feeling and i know that it is harder for you than it is for me but i can't help but express all of the feelings that are colliding because of your presence.

Sorry, but i don't want to hold it in
Because it is imploding inside me. 

In kalsan lo zawk mai ang aw!

Tunah hian ka pi ka bulah a muhil a,  lemchan hmuhnawm deuh pakhat hi ka en a, ka ngaihtuahna a ti thui hle...
Ka pi ka han en a,  min kalsan dawn a ni tih ka hria,  hun engzat pawh lo la nei se a tam tawk dawn lo.. Tiang bawk chuan ka hmangaih em em te chan atan ka han ngaihtuah a,  tu pawh hian tu pawh hi kan la in kalsan dawn chu a ni si a...  A va han khawharthlak dawn tak em!

Ka hmangaih ka chhungte, ka thiante leh mi pakhat hmangaihna danglam bik a min hmangaihtu hi ka han ngaihtuah a, kalsan ta ila an nunah ka lo zar buai nasat thin em em te an nih avangin a ruak ve huai tur hian ka hriaa,  ka Khawngaih ve lehchhawng khawp mai...  A chhan chu tu emaw ber hian min kalsan se ka tuar tur zia leh ka lunglen tur sia hi ka ngaihtuah thui ngam lo a ni.

Ka ngaih em em lh ka hmangaih riauva  ka tih khi 😂 a muhil hma lutuk a zanin chu,  dar 8ah pawh khan kan in kaitho kan in kaitho tawh a,  hei dar 12 a lo ri dawn der a,  ka ngai lehpek tawh hle mai...
Ka sawi tawh ang khan,  ka movie en a nupa in kalsante kha an in hmangaihna ka. Hmuh khan ka tem ve mek nen hian in anna tam tak an nei tlatin ka hria a ni..

Kan in duat ve em em a, kan in ngai hle bawk a, hmangaihnain a ti tur nia kan hriat chu kan in tihsak mawlh mawlh a ni,  keini ni ve lo tan chuan a atthlakin a hneawm phian maithei, mahse " Ka hmangaihna ka lantir thiam dan a ni ve miau si a,  min lo hrethiam hram teh u," kan han ti a ni..

Ka zuam thlawt lo a ni,  ka hmangaih, ka duat em em han kalsana, tuktin ka aw hre lova a hun a hmang tur te, ka kuah leh ka duat thlahlel em em an, mi in an dawng bik lai a hmu turte, a hlim loang tih ka hlauh em em a kha, a tap ru keuh keuh turte, ka thawmhnaw hak thin a hmuh changa ka taksa an mitthla tur te,  rawng ka bawl sak apiang a tui emaw, tui lo emaw min han fak sak a,  tui tih hmel taka ei thin tu khan,  ka pek ang thin enkawlna a hmuh tawh loh hunah chuan, a in ngaihtuah ang a, a in Khawngaih tur ka hriatin tiang tur chuan ka phal lo a ni....  In ngai leh in ngai kan han in kalsan tur hi ka ngaihtuah ngam lo a ni..
Ka thian tha ber a ni a,  a tel lo chuan ka tlei lova,  mIdang Buaipui hmanin ka siam lo ve bawk nen, a nun ka ti ruak dawn em a ni...

Tihian khing ka sawi te khi ka chan tur zawk lo ni ta se, anin min han kalsan ta se a tuar thiam lo ber pawl ka nih ka ring a ni... Min kalsan lo zawk mai ta che t raw Thianpa?  Ka hmangaih che...

It feels like my soul is not even living inside my body anymore..

caught a bird in flight.

I know that indulgence into drugs, alcohol or any odlf that sort could bring a bad addiction. "It will hurt my body", that i knew and still im steering clear from those and my body ain't marked by those scars...but now,  i realized what i did not know. 
I didn't know that you could become an addiction,  i didnt know that you could hurt my body. Now,  my body is wounded by the feelings you made me feel. 
I should have been telling myself that you were a poison for me and I should have never let you catch me. 
Temporary plans that you made for us are now permanent attachments for me. I'm going in a wrong direction and i'm a nobody for you. 
It feels like my soul is not even living inside my body anymore . I'm devoid of all the feelings that the heart could ever feel, my mind and my body could no longer coordinate..
What my mind thinks is impractical for my body to prove. What i want is what's hurting me,  i don't suffocate but its hard to breathe, i'm still living, but what for? 

I don’t want to rush falling in love anymore..

Photo credit: RICKY VANLALPEKA

Ka han ngaihtuah let leh chang pawh hian hmangaihnaah ka tlan lut ta mai tih ka in hriat pawh khan awm lo tihna kha ka nei mang meuh lo, a chhan ber chu ka mi hmangaih khan ka hmangaihna neih kha a tum ber kha a ni thin reng a, hun min siam a, hun min pekahte hlah lovin ka tan a inpe thei em em a, eitur min siam a, min ti nui a, pum rawl thum khawpa min ti nui theitu awmchhun kha a la ni reng bawk…

Rang takin hmangaihnaah chuan ka lut a, ka inchhir ngai reng reng lo. A tan ka inhuamin, ka theih apiang kha chu ka tihsak ve thin. Chhungkaw dinhmun te a inang lova, a hman hunah ka hman lova, a hnenah ka awm tam thei lova, mahse remchang kan dap ve ruai thin.

Ani nen a kan in hmangaihna kha tunlai tleirawlte inngaihzawn dan tlangpui nen han khaikhin dawn thin ila chuan, hmanlai kan pi leh pute hunlai kha a ang zawk mah awm e.

Inchhawng chung sang atangin bag ka uaithlak tir a, zanlaiah eitur chutah chuan a han dah a, note a hnutchhiah tel bawka, min hmangaih thu leh tui taka ei tur te leh chhel taka engkim hmachhawn turin min chahna te a ni. Ka han ngaihtuah let hian chungahte chuan lemchan engmah a awm bikin ka hre lo, hmun leh hmunah, in pali panga karcheh lek ni mah ila, inmuh kha a har ve hle thin a, concrete ban leh hunt e kha min dangtu an ni pawh hian ka hre lo, mihring rilru zawk khan min daidang ni ber thin in ka hria.

Inhmuh kha kan thlahlel em em ringawt a, nitin khan inhmu lovin kan awm kha hlauvin, dawr kal pah mai mai a han tei dun te kha kan tum tlat zel thin. Rei lo te chhungin darker te chu a ral a, ni a ral, thla a ral a, kum pawh ral leh mai tur khan ka ngai a mahsela rilru te hi a lo danglam thin a, hun tawn mil zel leh kan chhehvela thil thlengte hian rilru hi a lo thlak ve leh mai thin a. Hmangaihna,kan engkim ni thin a pawh kha, engmah lo maia tham ral mai hmabakin kan inkar chu a chhe ta em em mai a nih tawh hi!

Hmangaihten min han kalsan hi chuan tha a thum a, chaw lem a har em em a, tuisik pawh hian hrawk a ti na thei emaw tih mai turin, thawk pah hian awm te hi a hik chuai chuai mai thin ni ber hian ka hria. Nitin, engtik lai pawhin rilrua awmchhun chu, anin min kalsan tak avanga huatna ai chuan, kan in hmangaih thin laia kan hlim dun zia ngaihtuah kha a ni, amah ngaihtuah lovin ni khat ka ban tlang vedawn tawh a maw ka inih tum pawh hian, “ EHE! Vawiin chu amah ngaihtuah lovin ka awm ve thei mawle” ka han tia, amah bawk chu ka ngaihtuah chhunzawm leh thin.

Midang leh thildang reng reng hi a dinhmun luah pha an awm lova, a aiawh tur zawng pawh hian ka phar buai peih tawh lo, nitinin ka la nat pui reng zawng a nih hi!

Ti hian zanin chu ka ngaihtuah taa, hmangaihnaah hian rang takin zuan luh mai ka duh tawh lo.

Ani ka lo hmangaih mai ni khan in ngaihtuah chianna hun ka nei lova, hmanhmawh takin hmangaihnaah khan ka zunag luta. Mahse ani chuan min han kalsan ta a, rang taka hmangaihna rawn piang a khan, rang takin min kalsan leh ta si lova. Muangchangin nitinin ka taksa nen hian min ei ral mek zawk a, hmangaihnaah hian rang taka tlan luh mai ka duh tawh lo, muangchangin min chhuahsan dawn tih ka hriat tawh avangin.